i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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