I showed him my bush... on skype.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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