I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
