no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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