you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
