i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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