He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
