How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
