did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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