put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
