Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
