you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
