His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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