Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
