she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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