I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Boobs are out for the taking
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
