I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
