sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
