R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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