I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
