Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
