Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
