just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
