we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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