I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
