I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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