Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
