i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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