did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
