It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize