I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
