omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize