Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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