i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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