She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
