I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
