You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
