Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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