I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
