Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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