im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
