I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
