Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
