Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Floor bacon is actually really good
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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