why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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