to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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