Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
