No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
