Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hope mine doesn't look like that
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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