cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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