And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
40s are totally the cure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
