She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
