New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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