I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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