ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
