Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
