If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
