I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
