my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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