I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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