thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize