I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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