i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
