Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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