Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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