you guys were way drunker than both of me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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