My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
