How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
