I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
