hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
