"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
