Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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