Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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