Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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