fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
