I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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