Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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