I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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