I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
