My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
