Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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